Happiness, sadness, love, rage, grief and embarrassment... All these are emotions, that can either make you or break you. Yet, what gets to me is not the capability of feeling so many emotions at such depth, but the inability to control them. Maybe it's just me, or because I'm a woman... Either way, I'm totally helpless and incapable of controlling most of my emotions by a long shot. Most of the times I'm crippled, stunned, motionless and unproductive when either of these emotions come along. Worst than that, it is the actual knowledge of what and why I'm feeling these emotions, and most of the times, the awareness of the irrationality of why I'm feeling such emotions, won't help me stop or control what I'm feeling. If anything, it'll make it worse, and send me a whirl of deep depths of confusion, personal battles and more emotions.
Being intelligent does confer certain advantages, however, in instances where emotions are concerned, one can be an Einstein, but it simply won't change one fraction of the whole complexity of a situation. If anything, it'll make it worse as one is trying to press the brakes over this crushing flood, yet, frustration will build up as one realises that the break is lost or broken.
How many times have I wished to stop feeling 'bad' or 'love' for that jerk that broke my heart? How many times have I wished to fall in love with somebody but was unable to? How many times have I wished that you can control my anger into a flickering flame, and instead managed to create a bonfire?
Maybe this is what makes us human... Maybe this is what makes me a woman... Or maybe, just maybe, this is what makes me Estelle...
