The Day....

This is the day when those who weren't allowed to cry, weep tears of joy...
This is the day when those minds that weren't allowed to think, come up with solutions...
This is the day when those hearts that have been broken, find forgiveness...
This is the day when those souls that have lost faith, pray...
This is the day when those bodies that were beaten, walk away...
This is the day when those smiles that were forgotten, are found....
This is the day when those songs that were shunned, become popular...
                                         This is the day when those that never had a
                                         voice, speak...

                                         And say....

                                         This is the day.

The end....

It's been four years since I've stepped into university and started my B.Ed course.... Four years....
And now.... It's over.... I'm sitting here with a bad case of indigestion, hearing the birds chirping, watching the sun filling up this lonely kitchen.... And just feeling, sad and strangely empty. I'm not sad that it's over, but I'm sad because I gave up so much of my life, my strength and my energy to something that I have no idea how it'll pan out.

I never thought that it'll feel like this... I always thought that I'll be happier, somehow chirpier, somehow actually fuller with the satisfication that I've actually 'made it'. But nada. I don't feel that. Instead I feel scared about what is going to happen next in my life, now that I do not know how my days will be like, now that I'm 'free'.

I have made friends... I have created enemies... But both foes and friends will no longer form part of my constant day to day encounters, and that is scary.

I need time.... Time to adjust to this feeling of 'not knowing anything', Time to adjust to this feeling of freedom, of possible happiness, possible disasters....

The road is long.... And I've got so much to learn, to change, to do.... I'm sure that I will not manage to do everything that I want, but I'm gonna try and believe that I'm gonna succeed... I need to try... otherwise I'll be failing before I even start....

 And maybe my future will be better than my past... One things for sure, it'll be different... :)

Life...

Life is hard, there's no doubt about that... Life is also beautiful, but there is often doubt about that. However, there is no certainty over everything, there is no agreement over a lot of things....

Nobody agrees on how to treat one another, because everybody treats each other differently and selectively. Everybody treats us differently, and everybody looks at us differently, whilst we look at each person differently. Even if there are two people who resemble each other in every aspect, there'll still be something that will make 'Censu' actually 'Censu', and 'Wenza', actually 'Wenza'.

We know all this, but yet, we forget it constantly. At least, I do. We constantly fail on expecting others to treat us in a certain way, we fail on treating some people in a certain way... We have our own world, our own rules, and we live by them. Our rules of what constitutes a nice person, love, justice are different, and yet, we feel that they should be the same. The disagreements arise when there is a discrepancy in these expectations, and more than that, when we fail to understand the reason behind these discrepancy's... yet we try, constantly and relentlessly to find the reason why these discrepancy's exist.

Obviously, we fail.

We will never ever know some answers, we will never find the reasons, and we will never be happy until we accept this.

Maybe, my unhappiness lies in this. I try to find a reason for everything, and many times, I fail.

I feel hurt, abandoned, and horribly confused at times. Not understanding the reason behind some people's behaviour many times is a matter of not accepting this persons behaviour because I try to compare her standards to mine.

Why am I writing all this, I don't know. It's definitely not for me, cos I'll never learn anything out of this knowledge. I'll keep on repeating and failing in doing the same mistakes, and being unhappy even with the knowledge of all this.

I go to sleep. No wiser than I was one hour ago, however, relieved in managing to write a blog, knowing that some wisdom still lies here. But as Abba say, 'but oh man, is a fool'.

We're all fools. Maybe that is something that binds us together.