And now.... It's over.... I'm sitting here with a bad case of indigestion, hearing the birds chirping, watching the sun filling up this lonely kitchen.... And just feeling, sad and strangely empty. I'm not sad that it's over, but I'm sad because I gave up so much of my life, my strength and my energy to something that I have no idea how it'll pan out.
I never thought that it'll feel like this... I always thought that I'll be happier, somehow chirpier, somehow actually fuller with the satisfication that I've actually 'made it'. But nada. I don't feel that. Instead I feel scared about what is going to happen next in my life, now that I do not know how my days will be like, now that I'm 'free'.
I have made friends... I have created enemies... But both foes and friends will no longer form part of my constant day to day encounters, and that is scary.
I need time.... Time to adjust to this feeling of 'not knowing anything', Time to adjust to this feeling of freedom, of possible happiness, possible disasters....
The road is long.... And I've got so much to learn, to change, to do.... I'm sure that I will not manage to do everything that I want, but I'm gonna try and believe that I'm gonna succeed... I need to try... otherwise I'll be failing before I even start....
And maybe my future will be better than my past... One things for sure, it'll be different... :)
